"Conscience binds us so powerfully to our families and other groups that we feel obliged to identify with the suffering and guilt of our ancestors, even though we are not often consciously aware of this."
—Bert Hellinger, 'Rising in Love'
"Often, in the context of of the family system over many generations, you can see a particular form of love and loyalty. These entanglements are, in some sense, unavoidable and unforgiving, so they can't be looked at at the level of moral judgements." —Bert Hellinger, 'Supporting Love'
These are the wedding photos of my grandparents. On the left are my Taiwanese grandparents on my mother's side; on the right are my Japanese grandparents from my father's side. Up until five years ago, I didn't really think about them much. They had died quite some time ago, and I had very few memories of them— if at all. They were in the past and forgotten.
A few years ago, I started learning about Family Constellations, a process created by Bert Hellinger in the late 1970s. This modality looks at current personal issues within a larger context, primarily the family system. Working within the experiential "knowing field," participants experience and report the felt sensations of any being they are representing and how the beings are relating to others. This acknowledges truths, identifies missing elements or blocks, and moves towards resolution. When 'what has been unseen and unspoken' becomes acknowledged, we can see how the system energetically shifts into alignment. Quantum physics picks up on the change and it travels out to "real time."
Below is what Hellinger describes as The Orders of Love and classifies them into four categories.
Acknowledging What Is
Balance of Giving and Taking
Taking Responsibility and Addressing Transgressions
As I stepped deeper into constellation work, I became increasingly interested in who my ancestors were, the stories they carried, and began connecting to them. I created a family tree, reached out to my long lost cousins, visited my relatives in Asia despite a language barrier, and paid respect at my grandparents' gravesites in Japan and Taiwan. In receiving my own constellations as a client, I discovered that the blocks in my life had been carried or passed down from generations on an unconscious level. Upon noticing where the suffering in my ancestors began, this is where my own healing started.
I would like to thank many constellation facilitators whom I have learned from and worked with: Ciara McArdle, Francesca Mason Boring, Sarah Peyton, Gary Stuart, Joanne Chartrand, Dyrian Benz, and Liza Miron. I am especially in gratitude to Leslie Nipps, whom I studied under for the 1:1 Constellations course and Advanced Constellation Training.
Now, photos of my grandparents sit on my home altar. I greet them every morning, honor them, and thank them for their guidance, support, and presence in my life.
"Tammy is amazing, a true humble healer. From the moment you are in her presence, you feel calm and secure. She guides you on a journey like you have certainly never experienced in Family Constellations, making it easy for you to share and ‘step in’ just how much feels comfortable for you while she holds that safe space. Since our session, I have certainly felt shifts in my life that I attribute to it. I highly recommend everyone to try a session and see what comes up for you."
—Lisa Byrd Nesser Chiang Mai, Thailand
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