I’ve read four of Dr. Brian Weiss’ books within the past 10 months: Miracles Happen; Only Love is Real, Many Lives, Many Masters; and Through Time Into Healing. It's no coincidence that these books have prepared me so well in my current journey.
The main teaching in all of Weiss’ books is that our soul goes through lessons during its lifetimes. The lessons are for our spiritual growth, individually and collectively. We learn these lessons through our human relationships. It’s the most visceral experience we can have for our souls in the human existence. When we don’t learn our lessons, it carries over into our next lifetime on Earth.
The week before my mom passed away, I spent hours with her at her hospice facility— commuting 2 hours each way, almost every day. I bathed her, brushed her teeth, fed her, cut her toenails, brought her gifts, and put her needs well above mine. No one would ever say that I didn’t do enough, but my initial feelings were exactly that. This fell into my own guilt; then seeped into anger, perceiving that others were also not doing enough.
After my emotional state calmed down, I was able to see the higher lesson. Blaming others is the quickest way to avoid our own growth, and it’s not the state I wanted to be in. Instead of pointing fingers at the outside, l needed to look within myself. I had to accept that I did enough. I did not need to do anymore.
It was time for me to let go. I didn't want my mom to stay alive and hang onto life just for my (or anyone else’s) sake with her increasing pain, discomfort, and weakness. It was time for her to let go.
After moving through my grief, I can now feel my mom’s love without pain or a significant amount of sadness. The essence of love is a pure energy— the highest vibrational frequency, and not meant to fuel anger, dependence, expectations, or other harmful energies. When someone has departed, the practice is feeling the love more than (or rather than) the absence of the person.
If there is pain (long) after a loved one has died, it’s likely that there is something unresolved by the living. It could also be staying stuck in one of the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression), and having resistance towards acceptance.
Through my work in Family Constellations and Evidential Mediumship, I’ve also noticed:
If the living has done actual harm to the (now) dead, then the spirit does harbor unprocessed emotions.
If the dead have something unresolved on their end with the living, this typically brings in a wish for atonement from the spirit.
If the dead have not had closure (acceptance) of their fate, this can carry over to their next lifetime. (Or they are in a limbo state, having not yet reached ‘ the other side.’)
For the dead, it’s to rest in peace. For the living, it’s to be at peace. When we can acknowledge what needs to be acknowledged; when we can accept what needs to be accepted; freedom and love come through.
The photo above was taken about a month after my mom passed. I was on a train ride home and jumped out of my seat when I looked out the window. A hand from the spirit world reaching out! (Well, hello!!) Later, I realized that the photo included a reflection of a sign from inside the train car— the symbol of a person in a wheelchair. (Hi Mom!!) Another couple of weeks later, I attended an online Breathwork session. When the facilitator Tai Hubbert invited us to connect to the divine, the same hand appeared above me. I reached out and there was pure bliss. (Thank you spirit world!!)